dRRRRRum RRRRRRRRoll !!!
“and the Homeless Dog Lottery Winner is…” Bam! Bam! “…Bickie Schmoo-Maah-Looh!” Boom!
The four-legged crowd went mild. Mutters of “Whaaat?” “Huuuuh?” and “Bickie Who?” echoed through the big hall as many homeless dogs meandered out, dejected and downtrodden, rejected and resentful, with hearts beating slower and sad soul-filled eyes. A small number congratulated the winner before leaving. Some stayed to celebrate.
The winner sat still. He started a smile that soon showed all his teeth (and complimented his little triangular ears). “I’m believing it… it worked… I won the Homeless Dog Lottery… I won”. He started circumnavigating the one spot, chasing his tale, twirling faster, letting himself lose all serious sobriety, and barked “I won! I won!!”
A Dog’s Life
“So, how come Bickie Schmoo-Maah-Looh gets to snooze and cruise all his life long? Today he sunbaked in the sunny spot on your bed for hours! Then he got an ear scratch and some tender loving care! Then some fatty bacon rinds!”
“Der-Brain. Bickie won the Homeless Dog Lottery.”
“So, he can sleep all day and snuggle all night ‘cause he’s rich?
“So, how much did he win?”
“Der-Brain. First prize in the Homeless Dog Lottery is a human who dedicates their time, energy and entire life looking after the winning dog until the dog is dead. I was the human the year Bickie won.”
“So, O.K. What’s the Homeless Dog Lottery?”
Word Gets Around
On streets where homeless dogs scrounge a living, the announcement of a Homeless Dog Lottery spread like really, really fast. Tickets sold like, even faster.
Sasha Pasha heard first and she told Neddy Noodles who told Tilda Milda and they all told Bickie Schmoo-Maah-Looh. “What are we gunna do to get the goods for a ticket each?” “How is one of us gunna win?” “What do we have to do to get lucky?” they asked each other, keeping their growls quiet and low.
Sasha Pasha pounded the cement with her over-sized fluffy paws (thinking profound thoughts), with his back leg Neddy Noodles absent-mindedly scratched the air about his ribs (generating abstract ideas), Tilda Milda guarded the conversation with sharp snaps in the direction of any homeless dogs interloping within hearing distance (winning the Homeless Dog Lottery is worth everything!), and Bickie Schmoo-Maah-Looh sat still. Thinking thoroughly through the thoughts and ideas.
He sat up smartly and suddenly, whiskering “I know. I know how to get us a ticket each. I have timely tactics and a sooper-dooper, tell-me-a-secret strategy.”
Tickets Sell Really Really Fast
“So, how often is this Homeless Dog Lottery held? How much are the tickets? How do homeless dogs buy tickets – they are homeless! And why were you the human the year Bickie Schmoo-Maah-Looh won?”
“Der-Brain. The lottery rarely occurs. That is why it is big news. Homeless dogs do whatever it takes to get a ticket. I do not know how much the tickets are. The lottery organisers are very reputable dog lovers – they assured me tickets are accessible, realistic and within a homeless dog’s do-ability. They chose me as the human because they heard my second-hand rescue greyhounds gossiping good stuff about me and, well, really, the homeless dog world is small and, well, homeless dogs gossip a lot.”
What Happens Now?
“Bickie Schmoo-Maah-Looh! It is really happening. You won the Homeless Dog Lottery!” woofed Sasha Pasha.
“Oh-my-goshness Bickie!” gruffed Neddy Noodles.
“Now for the second part of our plan Schmoo-Maah-Looh!” growled Tilda Milda.
“One of us winning the lottery was the tricky part” gurred Bickie “the rest is easy. We will all be living on cushions in Comfortable Street soon”.
Bickie Schmoo-Maah-Looh proved he was a thorough thinker. His reasoning was the human chosen as first prize in the Homeless Dog Lottery would be the highest quality of canine supporters, with a big, soft, heart. He also knew he was the cutest of the cute dogs, a cuddly cuddler with deep brown eyes, long black eye lashes and a waggedy tail. Within a month of accepting the first prize he had organised his human to find permanent homes for Sasha Pasha, Neddy Noodles and Tilda Milda. He was crowned King of the Cushion and they all lived long lives looked after by lovely humans on Comfortable Street.